Tough times ahead. Attempting to remain single in a world where 50% of marriages end in divorce. Whats that got to do with it ? Well, that leaves alot of single grown ups/ parents floating around where being single has a stigma. Where alot of people think the cure is to jump back into a relationship.
I know for me, as I have mentioned earlier, there was a fear that by being single I am being perceived by myself and by others that no one wants me. My goal was to not only decide that I am happy to be on my own but also to totally get two very important things. One, that I need to really get it, believe it and live it and two I need to get that what other people think of my single status, is ultimately none of my business.
In the meantime, there is the challenge of staying single. The challenge of resisting temptations.
When I was young, the only real place you met guys was in bars. It was very simplistic. You saw someone you liked, you chatted, you hangout and ... Hello!
These days, the whole scene is completely different. Potential suitors come at you from so many different angles. There are single people everywhere. At work, on the way to work , at the shops, on line (Internet - dating apps) , social media, friends, friends of friends... its endless.
Dating at 45 is insanely different from dating at 20. Here are some reasons why:
* tick boxes - when we are young and single, it was a preety simple criteria to meet. Be pleasing to the eye, reciprocate attraction.- that's it
* At 20 your range of selection was limited. You had a very small choice of guys just a few years older than you. At 45, there is that same option (bald, no hair and man boobs) or you can go younger...... If he is a man, then he is eligible. And boy does that open up the playing field.
* Most single guys my age carry some form of baggage that really impacts on their ability to chill out, be balanced emotionally, loving, attentive and happy to be in a relationship.
* At 45, I am not the naive young girl with no confidence that I am now. I know a dud when I see one, I can spot a egotistical player a mile away and I know when a man is not over an ex.
* At 45 I feel like a woman. I know what I want, I know what I don't want and I allow my maturity and confidence guide the way I walk and teach me how to talk. I am more self assured and less tolerant of time wasting.
So why do I want to stay single?
My purpose for trying to stay single is this. I don't want to be in a serious relationship. Ok, lets define serious girl ?
I have no desire to live with someone, I don't want to get remarried (need to get unmarried first), I don't want to be controlled by anyone. I don't want to be let down by anyone. I don't even want to set myself up to be hurt by anyone. And I don't want to deal with someone else' baggage.
I don't want to hear about ex partners over and over again. I don't want to be with a man who is still under the thumb of an ex. I don't want to deal with a guys who haven't looked at themselves and taken responsibility for their emotional growth. I don't want to be used, I don't want to be mis-understood.
And most importantly, I don't know if I am ready or capable of love yet.
There is alot of wonderful interesting available people out there to discover and get to know and befriend.
Being single allows me to understand myself more, the world more and the wonderful world of social interaction. There are special friends and family I want to spend time with. I want to discover hobbies, passions and interests.
It will take someone preety special to convince me otherwise. And that is something we all must aspire to. We are worth so much. And its a nice feeling knowing what your real worth is. Never lose sight of it.
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