Back in June, I talked about a huge fear of mine.... Facing the fear of actively choosing to be single. Well just being single in general.
I finally faced the fear. Accepting that at this moment in life, I need to be single.
Being single at 44 is not a very appealing prospect. You aren't getting any younger and you don't have that real sense of having your whole life in front of you anymore. The older you get, the older everyone else gets and the bigger the bags of baggage. Gone are the days when you can skip into a relationship and the only thing you have to worry about is what alcohol you are going to be drinking that night.
Another hard thing is ending a relationship with someone you genuinely love and care about. Nothing seriously wrong in the relationship except your intuition is waving a red flag. And the message you keep getting over and over is "he is just not that into you". No point flogging a dead horse.
You can settle for second best. Well actually 4th best. You can come up with all the excuses in the book. But at the end of the day, if someone is more comfortable saying that they can and will get on with life perfectly fine without you than they can say, 'I care about you, you are special to me and your are an important part of my life', then it is time to say - Thank you and Good bye.
Love is a strange thing. How many of us truly know how to live life and love to its full capacity?.
How many of us settle for hum drum life and relationships. The same old thing day in day out. I have done it, I do it, but I have this itch, to laugh every day, to find joy in the simple things and discover that hidden happiness in my core.
How many of us go into a new relationship with stitched up emotions? No emotions? Wrung out emotions?
No faith, no hope, just a lacklustre attitude towards love and life.
Not enough emphasis is put on healing. Healing from previous broken relationships. Truly letting go of that last love and truly finding who you are right now, after all the pain, all the hurt, all the mistakes. Allowing your heart to heal and to be full again. Allowing for love to come out without trying.
Some of us say we are single and continue to hang on to an old relationships and that benefits no one. It can fill in the gaps, the familiarity is comfortable and it may be easy for now. Some people are in fact addicted to the drama of their ex. Some people just cant let go. It affirms them. It gives them a sense of worth, a sense of comfort. They thrive on showing their ex what they are missing.
These are the people that you don't date. If they are not willing to give up ex time and use excuses, then save your heart the grief.
Because delaying and avoiding severing a done relationship is in effect, delaying the most powerful thing in our very own world.
Giving yourself true emotional freedom. That in itself is truly empowering.
That in itself is what I need to do. I need to give myself true emotional freedom. I need to let go of all my old loves and heal my heart.