09/12/2017

Jealousy, feeling picked on and not feeling valued for the person you are

We  have all seen those relationships where the couple are beyond respectful, appreciative, and loving with each other.

The genuine 'like' they have for each other quite clearly shines through. There is a calmness, an assuredness and peacefulness that envelopes them in their social interactions. I cant say "in their private interactions" because we aren't there to see.

So, unless that they are one of those couples that cause us to gasp 5-10 years later when they announce they are divorcing and we exclaim "WOW, but they were the perfect couple", then they are the couple that we see celebrating their 50th Anniversary.

So in our illusions of their said perfections, it is easy to ignore and overlook what the 50th Anniversary couples honestly admit, it was a roller coaster 50 years and some years were very hard.

So in my quests to marvel at those 'perfect' couples I have inadvertently answered my own question of how the hell do some couples get to be so perfect? The answer is... it very possibly it is not real. And if it is, boy of boy, they have some real crackers come up in their relationship.

So what are those real crackers?

Jealousy- now that is quite the cracker and something some feel, and yet some don't. Society deems it unacceptable and if you feel that tug of jealousy, you are expected to reign it in and act appropriately. But that monster seems to have a mind of its own for some and deeply entrenched insecurity buttons get solidly pushed a the mere threat of their partner abandoning them. Healthy couples may have experienced it but there seems to be a level of trust that is developed between them that seems to knock down any fears that may come up. .

This is where at the early stages of a healthy relationship, couples exhibit behaviour that leads the other person to feeling valued, wanted and not feeling picked on in a relationship.

You can either be the bully or be bullied but either one will sooner or later feel that the relationship they are in is no longer fulfilling their needs and will either in an unhealthy state look to others for a source of comfort and value or in a healthy state, look to reasoning and if addressing the issue is not resolved, will end the relationship.

And in this day and age, with the lack of skills that people have with conflict resolution, not many people get to that 50  Year Anniversary.

Sad, but its a fact !!!

  

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