QUESTION LADIES: and I should say GUYS because I have seen guys do this too.
Why do we go Pain shopping?
Why do we ask, look and preety much go out of our way to find out information that is going to hurt us ?
It is so important that we remember to protect ourselves from pain. Not throw ourselves under a bus time and time again. And yet, humans are constantly drawn the the flame.
Why do we do it? If you expected me to have an answer, sorry - if I knew I would avoid it.
I think the one thing I know is you either do or you don't. You either never did it and suddenly your exposed to it and your doing it.
All I know is it is horrible. All I know is - I have have been on both sides of the situation and I should be more considerate and thoughtful. I have seen people, break up with someone and never look back. Not even once. I have seen people break up, get back together, break up, get back together. I have seen people go into relationships and all they do is discuss each others exes. I have seen people break up and fall apart. I have seen people move on fast. I have seen people move on slow. I have seen people that jump from one relationship to another continuously. I have seen people date people only to hold a huge flame for an ex and never give the new partner 100% of themselves.
And I've seen all this in my own love life.
We can tend to get into so many situations when we break up with someone. The reality is - what you ex does is none of your business. Because it doesn't matter. You have stepped up in the world and to look back down the steps, you might just fall down and hurt yourself. CRASH !
Here are things I am slowly figuring out, and its really not Easy:
Don't go backwards,
Don't contact them,
Don't answer their calls or messages
Don't ask about them
Don't think about them (and if you do, find something else to think of)
If you do see them, don't disclose anything about your own private life
Don't be friends with them on social media
If you do see them, don't ask questions about their love life (100% guarantee you are going to get hurt)
DON'T tell them how you still feel about them
Don't cry in front of them and show them how you feel ( because it is usually on "overwhelm" feeling at the time)
Don't go to places where they will hang out
Don't go to places you used to hang out together
Don't replicate things you used to do with them
Don't look at old photos
Don't allow them to take away your confidence, your respect and your love for yourself. You are not a nothing without them
Do expect them to move on
Do expect them to find someone else that may be more attractive than you
Do expect them to do things and feel things that they didn't feel for you
Do understand you broke up for a reason
Do understand if they were an insensitive prick when you were dating, chances are they still are!
Do feel relieved some other person now has to date this insensitive prick
Do enrich your soul
Do learn to feel 100% valuable
Do give yourself time to go through grief. HURT< PAIN> ANGER> RESENTMENT
Do look at your resentments, list them and look at your part in them
Look at your part, your actions and make a note to do things better next time
DO remember that we will always get the same results if we do the same things
This rule applies to people in the world, work , life, neighbourhood and city.
If someone doesn't like you, it's none of your business. It doesn't matter. It is normal. It should not change the way you wake up every morning and embrace life with as much joy, passion and gratitude as you can.
We move forward for a reason. There is no reason to look back, walk back and sit in the smell of yesterdays waste. Move forward, smile and smell the flowers. Because there is some fun shopping to do!