We need to be careful in addiction. Something so small that the disease wants can stop you from grief and processing loss.
It can distract you from the natural process.
The best thing to do is to go with the HP - just go to him and hand it over. Go with the fear, go with the pain and don't look at the preety flashing lights. The drug is short lived and you are back to square one.
Pray. Eat. Sleep. Repeat.
One day at a time.
It is so easy to give up sanity and freedom. We think it is forever. But we give it up for what we think is real true healthy affirmation. Love to fill the cup. What fills the cup is keeping sanity and freedom away. Because that fear of never having real true healthy love, never being loved again is based on what reality?
The disease has convinced my soul, that very soul that has been loved for 44 years that I can't risk giving up love for 1 year to find myself because it might be my last chance of love.
Ahem. What foundless crazy kind of talk/message would that be to sit in my head.
How could I have not - before today have realised how silly, how downright insane that fear is.
Because I finally realise that 1 year - the time it took me to learn how to walk, is all it will take to find me. And if I am lucky it will not be in so much as 1 year it may be just "the time it takes" to finally learn the true value of myself. Because the only person that really needs to be taught - is me.